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Jon Snow: "In
a sense, Deng Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't it?"
Expert: "Er, yes." (Channel 4 News)
"As Phil De
Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different
to any other." (John Sleightholme - BBC1)
"If England
are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a
goal." (Jimmy Hill - BBC)
"Beethoven,
Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy - four very different names."
(Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3)
"Cystitis is
a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but
if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and
getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily."
(Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine)
"Julian Dicks
is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
(Metro Radio Sports Commentary)
Listener: "My
most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off
at the altar on my wedding day." Simon Fanshawe: "How
awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?" (Talk Radio)
Interviewer: "So
did you see which train crashed into which train first?"
15-year-old: "No, they both ran into each other at the same
time." (BBC Radio 4)
Presenter (to palaeontologist):
"So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth with,
say, an elephant?" Expert: "Well in the same way that
a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we'd get a sort of half-mammoth.
Presenter: "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?"
Expert: "Er, well yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks."
(GLR)
Kilroy-Silk: "Did
you mean to get pregnant?" Girl: "No. It was a cock-up."
Grand National winning
jockey Mick Fitzgerald: "Sex is an anti-climax after that!"
Desmond Lynam: "Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride,
everyone saw that." (BBC)
"The band never
actually split up - we just stopped speaking to each other and
went our own separate ways." Boy George, Radio 2
"Damien Hirst tends to use everyday objects such as a shark
in formaldehyde." Fashion Commentator, Radio 4
"Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive,
and skillful. And best of all it keeps them off the street."
Radio 1 Newsbeat
"Do you believe David Trimble will stick to his guns on
decommissioning?" Interviewer, UTV
"It was the fastest-ever swim over that distance on American
soil." Greg Phillips, Portsmouth News
"...fears that the balloon may be forced to ditch in the
Pacific. Mr Branson, however, remains buoyant and hopes to reach
America..." Radio 4 News
"Well, you could count them on the fingers of less than
one hand..." Jack Elder, New Zealand Police Minister
"And Nakano tries to avoid being passed by his teammate
Trulli, which should in fact be quite easy, because Trulli is
going more slowly than his teammate Nakano" Murray Walker,
ITV
"A fascinating duel between 3 men..." David Coleman,
Hammer Throw, World Athletics, BBC
"I'm glad two sides of the cherry have been put forward"
Geoff Boycott, Radio 5 Live
"It has been the German Army's largest peacetime operation
since World War 2" ITN
"There are the boys, their balls between their legs"
Amanda Redington, GMTV
"Ian Mackie is here to prove his back injury is behind him"
Commentator at Spar Athletics
"Azinger is wearing an all black outfit: black jumper, blue
trousers, white shoes and a pink 'tea-cosy' hat" Renton
Laidlaw
"The advantage of the rain is, that if you have a quick
bike, there's no advantage" Barry Sheene
"Her legs are kept tightly together: she's giving nothing
away" Gymnastics commentator, BBC1
"Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind
and give him one really hard" Ron Atkinson
"Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman" Brian
Moore
"I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to
the finish" Ian St John
"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored" Terry
Venables
"The Croatians don't play well without the ball" Barry
Venison
"Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders" Kevin
Keegan
"Chile have three options - they could win or they could
lose" Kevin Keegan
"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today,
except that it's completely different" Kevin Keegan
"Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the
wind" Ron Atkinson
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it : you
can see it all over their faces" Ron Atkinson
"They've picked their heads up off the ground and they now
have a lot to carry on their shoulders" Ron Atkinson
"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw"
Ron Atkinson
"The swimmers are swimming out of their socks." Sharron
Davies, BBC
"In cycling, you can put all your money on one horse."
Stephen Roche, Eurosport
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously
my right sock." Barry Venison, ITV
"In life he was a living legend; in death, nothing has changed."
Live TV
"Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright, ITV
"It's amazing how, in this part of the world, history has
been part of its past." David Duffy, Eurosport
"And that was played by the Lindsay String Quartet... or
at least two thirds of them." Sean Rafferty, Radio 3
"Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball" Ian
St John
"They (Leeds) used to be a bit like Arsenal, winning by
one goal to nil - or even less." Nasser Hussain, Channel
5
"So, this movie you star in, The Life Story of George Best,
tell us what it's about." George Gavin, Sky Sport
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